Monday, July 9, 2012

Monday Letters

Dear Husband- I love you dearly, but if you continue to snore like a freight train you will be permanently relocated to the guest room.  Also, that strange box in the kitchen is a dishwasher and it is A-Okay to put your dirty dishes in it. Really, it will not kill you and if it does I will apologise to your corpse.  Love, Your Tired Wife.

Dear Grayson Boy- Thank you for sleeping in until 7 this morning, Momma likes to sleep and its very much appreciated.  If you shoot for 8 AM tomorrow I will buy you a pony and let you eat ice cream for breakfast (not really, but Ill call your eggs and fruit ice cream). XOXO- Mommy

Dear Kaos and Gizzy Bear- Please explain to me why you always feel its appropriate to start barking as SOON as Grayson falls asleep for no apparent reason? Are you punishing me or torturing him? I cant decide. I'm going to start getting even, I will let Grayson help when you get your bath- and I know you don't want that. Love Always- Momma  

Dear People In My Neighborhood- In no uncertain circumstances are bedroom slippers considered appropriate footwear for the grocery store/gas station/post office.  You are not fooling anyone by us thinking they are Ugg like with the fur around the edges, when in fact they came from WalMart. Also ladies- please put on a bra, no one deserves that assault over bananas in the produce section. Love- The lady shaking her head at you and trying not to laugh.

Dear Mother Nature- I love the nice warm weather, don't get me wrong.  What I do not appreciate, however, is the humidity that makes my hair look like a Brillo pad on steroids.  I also do not appreciate breaking a sweat while I brush my teeth. Can we cut that crap out for awhile? Thanks! Sincerely- The girl who just wants her straight hair back.

Dear Facebook Friends- Please stop broadcasting every detail of your life in status updates. No one cares and we all know half of what you post are lies. The same goes for you posting pictures of yourself in bathrooms with duck lips- not cute, or with expensive things and bragging about them. I don't care if you have a BMW, a Louis Vuitton bag, or a famous extremely distant relative who you took a picture with once when you were five. High School was over almost 10 years ago and Im sorry you didn't realize that but you are not making anyone jealous, no matter how many pictures you caption with "People always be jelly of how supa fly I am. SMH.". Learn to spell and shut up. Sincerely- The girl hitting unfriend as we speak.


  1. Oh Geeze Beth you are so funny - and I can so relate. Have a great day :-)

  2. From one Brillo pad head to another....This post is great :)

  3. The FB paragraph is Soooo true! :D


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